← Back to All Columns

Columns

Love and Order

Summer is a great time for romance. If you take even a fraction of the copious amount of energy seeking romance requires and put it into organizing, you’ll be amazed by what happens. New or old, love loves flow and clutter makes for stuck relationships. Sounding nutty? I’ve seen miraculous results.

I’ve got 90% female clientele and many of them have finding a romantic relationship at the top of their to do list. And yet. There is no room for a man (or woman) in their home. The closets and dressers are maxed out with their own clothing. The bathroom counter is crowded with their potions and the drawers are filled with eyeshadows and lipsticks from many a trip to the MAC and Nars counters. There’s no place for a guy to hang a coat or put down a toothbrush, let alone find a comfy nook in these types of scenes.

If you want to create opportunity for something or someone new in your life, you must create the space. Consider all the items of clothing and objects you’ve either stopped noticing or refused to part with and ask yourself: The 2009 Miu Miu dress that was super expensive but has never quite worked? Or the man who catches your eye over cappuccino every Monday afternoon at Ritual? Seriously, it could be that easy.

I had a client recently who had been considering doing the online dating thing. I asked her to consider purging her closet, dresser and bathroom first. She really got into it and sent me text after text of newly emptied drawers and freely swinging, hungry closet hangers. Within two weeks she had three solid dates, two with decent love potential. Of course, that’s just the beginning.

Also consider the garage: is there room for a significant other to pull in a car and stay awhile? Question number two: old sofa from college and 20 boxes of textbooks you’ll never look at again? Or a chance for someone special to come in out of the weather and stay for a weekend or a month, or forever?

Feng shui, the ancient art of object placement and energy flow in an environment, also has some great tricks for ensuring that love will come or stay or come back and stay. The love and romance, sometimes called the marriage, section of the house in feng shui is the far right-hand corner from the front door of the home. Take a moment and walk around that area (all the nine areas, called guas, bleed into each other a bit, so just divide the home into a grid of nine equal sections and you’ll see about how large your love gua is).

What are the colors in the space? Pink and green, heart chakra colors, are great here. Is there anything sharp, dangerous or negative in the space? Knives, cactus, broken items, books on Anger Management, dirty laundry—all that stuff is not romance material and shouldn’t be in this part of the house.

Healthy green plants with smooth rounded leaves, like a fig tree, are good for the love gua. Consider the aromas here. Cat box out, fancy candle in. Candles are great because they represent the fire energy of passion. Use your imagination and your intuition. Everyone’s idea of what love looks like is different. You might want to have objects in pairs. You might want to have a photo of an iconic couple you admire. Lots of solo photos of yourself—no bueno.

Sometimes a section of a house is “missing,” for example, if there is an atrium or if there is a wall with a door leading onto an uncovered deck or patio, rather than another room. If your love gua is “missing,” consider putting lighting and an arbor, awning or umbrellas out there to symbolize a “finished” room.

Even better, plant a climbing rose at the corner where the two walls of the room would have met (if there were walls). A rose symbolizes love in many cultures and will symbolically complete the gua. As you plant the rose, set your intention to recognize potential love and romance as it appears in your life. Keep the rose watered and fertilized, just as you would a new relationship and just as you should an old one if you want to keep it healthy and vibrant.

I could say so much more on this subject, for example, if your files and finances are in order, if you aren’t overdrawn at the bank, if you drive a clean car, if you aren’t showing up late to appointments…. Obviously, obsessive compulsive order is a turn-off, but having it somewhat (or totally) together helps people to relax and is attractive. You’re not needy. You don’t need a savior. But you wouldn’t mind an interesting dinner companion who loves Scorsese films and gives delicious, heart-warming hugs.